Wednesday, 29 January 1862
If possible, lovelier still.
Yet, it must needs that I stay in & work: ― these 4 upper Ascension subjects try me dreadfully ― only, if I leave them I could not well enjoy going out, knowing how impossible it will be for me to move from Corfu, unless they be done & sold. So I have to reflect on the destiny of millions ― who cannot even enjoy the sun in doors as I do. A keen sense of every kind of beauty, is, I take it, if given in the extreme ― always more or less a sorrow to its owner, ― tho’ productive of good to others. ― The coming of J.G. does not aid me either, but rather the contrary. ―
Bye & bye, after several interruptions, Maude came in & what with talking, & one’s work going wrong, & the thought of dining up there with the Forts & Cravens, ― I grew over irritable, ― & now could “cry bitterly” as J.E. said. It is seldom nowadays that I am so “utterly cast down.” ― Weariness of life ― & loneliness!
Rushed out at 5, blinded & weary; ― nor seeing the hill nor sky. Met the nice Decies ― who stopped, & Sir H.J. Stokes, who stopped also. Round by Kastrades, & called at the Kokalis ― Χριστὸς is better: saw all the family. Called at the Sargents: saw no one, & home.
Dined at the Maudes. Fort & Mrs. F. next to whom I sate. Craven & Mrs. C. Maude & Mrs. M. ― Sterling ― & L. By great effort I got tho’ dinner & evening ― but with greatest difficulty. This weary work won’t do.
Fresh row between Maude & Paramythiotti about the dogs, ― wh. Maude ought not certainly to keep in the cellar.
Down in my room by 11. & penned out Kalama drawing till 12.30[.]
“Trouble on trouble ― pain on pain” ― the drain smell is beginning again. I shall not be able to live here anyhow, if anywhere in Corfû.
[Transcribed by Marco Graziosi from Houghton Library, Harvard University, MS Eng. 797.3.]
“A keen sense of every kind of beauty, is, I take it, if given in the extreme ― always more or less a sorrow to its owner, ― tho’ productive of good to others.” This is an incisive glimpse of how Lear saw his vocation as an artist and well to remember amid all the salesman’s work he has to do to get by.