Saturday, 16 March 1861
X
Unwell: weary: ― most miserable.
Packed, so as to come away to Oatlands to day. ―
The black coach came before 10: & took me to Stonefield St. Fredk Street was there: I was much pleased with his coming, & with him personally. Then Mr. Rose the Doctor. At 11 we went away. It rained. At 12 we were at Highgate ― (the 3rd time I am there to bury others.) All the ceremony did not disturb me as I had fancied it might, because I have thought & wept so much for 10 days past, & my grief is so founded & deep that outward signs make little impression. But all things were nicely & well done: & the service read well. This is an act ― to us who remain. She who is gone, is far beyond all human suffering. ―
Well. ―
With her I lose, or seem to lose, ―all. Might her example & memory but improve me!
I took leave of poor Ellen & Sarah & F.S. at 1.30, & came to Stratford Place. It cannot be again to me what it was. ― So at 3.15 I came to Waterloo Station, & at 5 was at Oatlands Hotel.
All things had suffered change ― yet were the same.
O O O O dreamy cold life hereafter! ―
All the evening, arranged letters. ―
Very bad cold in head & eyes.
[Transcribed by Marco Graziosi from Houghton Library, Harvard University, MS Eng. 797.3.]
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