Tuesday, 26 March 1861
Dull gray damp no sun.
Wrote till 12, & walked with the dear old Adml. ―
After lunch, walked alone towards Idsworth & over the down, “with weary steps.” played with lambs: came over the down.
A cold dark sadness. ― Now then I really know that Ann is gone: ― but this grows stranger & stranger , & I think it absurd for one to be left here.
Unwell also, & uneasy inside.
Dinner: the Adml. anxious about James, who has not come ― tho’ Friday was fixed by him.
[Transcribed by Marco Graziosi from Houghton Library, Harvard University, MS Eng. 797.3.]
Today we are much concerned about how the process of grieving unfolds. You keep stumbling over pieces on mourning when you go through the “human interest” press. In this batch of his diary, Lear is clearly telling us what it is all about.